Dr Phil: Accusations of Abuse and Violence in a Marriage
Melinda and Anthony have been married for 18 months, and maybe they shouldn’t be together. They were Dr Phil’s guests, and there was plenty to untangle in their short history. Melinda considers Anthony abusive and controlling, and the couple is expecting a second baby that will join Anthony’s 4-year-old as a family member. But should these two stay together?
Anthony and Melinda are both good at pointing fingers at one another. But that has resulted in chaos so far, and they turned to Dr Phil for some perspective and insight about what is not working for them right now. Melinda thinks that Anthony doesn’t realize how strong he can be when he is in a rage.
Dr Phil: Family Fight On Home Video
Who is looking out for the children in this family where the parents are explosively violent and fighting at every turn? Dr Phil had some harsh words. (suckamc / flickr)
Anthony has filmed Melinda’s physical outbursts toward him. But he failed to record any of the times that he was the aggressor. The couple is not shy about engaging in their fights with their children as an audience, which is not a good environment for those children.
One particular fight pushed Melinda over the edge. When it was over, she took the couple’s 15-month-old child, moved out of town, and filed for divorce. What does this mean for the family’s future, especially since Melinda is five months pregnant with another child?
Dr Phil: Wild and Uncontrollable Behavior Around Kids
After seeing some video evidence of Melinda’s wild and uncontrollable behavior, Dr Phil wondered where the couple’s 15-month-old baby was during the incident. Anthony explained that he was holding the baby in one arm while videotaping his wife with the other. Melinda did a lot of shrieking, which definitely upset the baby. “Shame on you people,” Dr Phil said. “That is absolute, unmitigated child abuse. There is no other word for it.”
But there is plenty more to this scenario. Dr Phil’s conversation included a visit from Alair, a Anthony’s ex, who is the mother of his 4-year-old. She has a restraining order against Anthony, and she wanted to deliver a message to Melinda before it is too late.
Dr Phil: Get Away and Protect Your Kids
According to Alair, everything that Melinda is going through sounds very familiar to her. “Please get away from him and stay away from him. Protect your kids,” Alair said. She stayed with him for years after the relationship had gotten bad. She said Anthony would make her feel like she was the problem in their situation, and he knew when to clean up his act to talk her into staying.
During the second half of their relationship, Alair said she was concerned about leaving Anthony for fear that she would lose access to her daughter. Melinda thought this sounded familiar, adding that he has threatened to take full custody if she leaves the situation. “I didn’t want my daughter growing up thinking that the way he was treating to me and the things he was saying to me was okay,” Alair said.
Dr Phil: Follow Through on Assault Charges
Melinda said she is afraid that he will still be in her children’s lives even if their relationship comes to an end. But Alair suggested that Melinda take steps she did not in confronting Anthony, such as going to court to follow up on his assault charges. This could help protect her and her children from Anthony, who Alair said puts on a good show in court.
“You have everything you need that I didn’t. I should have done that. It’s too late for me, and now my child’s still in that environment,” Alair said. She was very emotional as she made her plea to Melinda. Alair reminded Melinda that the children are innocent victims in this situation.
Dr Phil: Domestic Violence Always Gets Worse
From her perch in the audience, Robin McGraw had some words of wisdom to share about domestic violence as well. “It will get worse,” Robin said. “It really does come down to a choice that you have to make.” Robin wanted to be encouraging, but she acknowledged that it can be difficult and frightening to take steps to protect yourself and your family. “The first step is to build a support system around you,” Robin said.
Robin also explained that you can begin to prepare a bag containing important documents and items that she and her kids may want or need after they leave the situation. She advised that fear and control are tools employed by abusers to get their way. There is also the risk of Separation Assault in the aftermath of a victim leaving a situation.
Dr Phil: Breaking the Cycle Through Therapy
“The point is it’s not easy and it is dangerous,” Dr Phil said. He explained that abusers become frustrated and desperate when their tactics are not working. That is why sometimes it is critical to have a detailed plan that keeps the victim and any children out of harm’s way until the threat has deescalated.
Anthony admitted to Dr Phil that his parents have been divorced for many years, and when they were together, they were often fighting. Anthony was disappointed in himself, because he hoped to avoid repeating some of the things as a parent that he experienced as a child. “I need help,” Anthony concluded. Melinda hoped that he would go through with getting that help for their daughters’ sakes.
Dr Phil #ViolentHome: National Domestic Violence Hotline
What do you think about this couple’s history and behavior? Share your perspective by leaving me a comment below or joining the social media conversation with hashtag #ViolentHome.
If you or someone you know needs help dealing with an abusive situation, help is available. Get in touch with free resources from The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233.
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