Dr Phil: Snapshots By An Admirer
What would you do if one of your friends couldn’t take the hint that you were not interested in them romantically? That’s the question facing 33-year-old Alexandra, who is the subject of unwanted attention from 57-year-old train conductor William. In his eyes, it’s love at first sight. But she says she is not interested in being more than friends.
The two met eight years ago when she was a passenger on his train. He said they began dating soon after that, and he knew he had found true love. However, Alexandra claims that they were never dating, and that William’s claims to the contrary are “delusional.” She says he bothers her with unwanted calls and text messages, and has even lashed out at her physically because he was jealous.
Dr Phil: Stalker Takes Photographs
How did he go from friendly train conductor to stalker? Dr Phil met a man infatuated with a train passenger who does not return his affections. (blomstroem / flickr)
Alexandra said she has never been romantic or intimate with William during the seven years they have known each other. But that doesn’t stop him from being jealous of the attention she gets from other men. He has complained about her attire and threatened to kill her and a man she was dating.
She was dismayed to learn that William also has countless photographs of Alexandra in her house. She has seen him following her, and she feels that she is being stalked. Dr Phil wondered why she is still in contact with him if things are so bad. He didn’t seem to buy her story that she never knew about his romantic interests.
Dr Phil #LoveOrFantasy: Physical Affection
Alexandra suggested that William intimidated her into accepting a ride home from him, though he of course does not remember this instance. She also claims that William offered her cash almost every time they saw one another. Dr Phil asked her what she thought the money was for. She claimed it was an apology for announcing what stop she would get off on the train.
William said he has made his feelings about Alexandra known. He said she has been clear that she does not feel the same way about him. However, she does accept gifts and attention, such as cash and trips. Alexandra said she has hugged William twice and given him one kiss on the cheek in seven years. But she says she has told him she is uncomfortable with his physical affection.
Dr Phil: Mixed Signals for Lovesick Friend
Dr Phil turned to some of the photos of Alexandra that William had in his collection. A few in particular were too hot for TV. “It was something I should not have done,” Alexandra said to explain away the intimate photographs she took of herself that she shared with William. He called the pictures “provocative,” and said that this was a pretty big mixed signal in this type of relationship.
Regardless of the mistakes that either of them have made, the truth is that they are not a match as a couple. Since Alexandra is not interested in William, he will need to stop showering her with attention. “Just because you want to be with her doesn’t mean that you’re entitled to be with her,” Dr Phil said. “You have violated her personal space and her personal rights by putting your hands on her in anger.”
Dr Phil: Crush Ends in Restraining Order?
Dr Phil said that William seemed to be a nice guy who was smitten when he saw a beautiful woman on the train one day. “You’ve allowed yourself to go through this fantasy,” he said. It’s probably not a great friendship for either of them to continue. Dr Phil recommended that Alexandra change her phone number and take out a restraining order against William.
Have you ever been the subject of unwanted romantic attention? How did you respond in that situation? Share your stories in the comments. Dr Phil also offered to connect William with resources to help him move forward in his life.
Dr Phil: Mending Your Broken Heart
Loss is unfortunately a part of love and life. Whether you have been there before or are going through it for the very first time, it helps to be reminded that you are not alone. It’s going to take time to move forward and get over the heartbreak.
Be honest about your feelings, but try not to get bogged down in negative emotions for too long. Focus on the future and think about what you want your life to look like in the not too distant future. Remember, you are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life.
You can find more of Dr Phil’s romantic advice in the book Love Smart: Find the One You Want, Fix the One You Got.
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