Dr Phil: Young, Jealous Love
Ilene and Matt are 20 and have been dating for two years. But his jealousy is threatening to destroy their relationship, which is what has led them to Dr Phil’s stage. Ilene is tired of being accused of cheating, and she does not know what else she can do to prove her faithfulness to Matt. She has already quit her job, quit social media, and taken a lie detector test.
But nothing she has done so far has appeased Matt. In anger, he has lashed out at her by calling her names and sending her an audio clip of him cheating on her with another woman. The couple has a 1-year-old and Ilene is pregnant with their second child. But will Matt’s trust issues keep him from being a part of the baby’s life?
Dr Phil: Suspicious or Jealous?
Dr Phil and his wife Robin spoke with a young couple about alternative approaches in their relationship, after a history of mental abuse and jealousy. (Peter Hermes Furian / Shutterstock.com)
Though Ilene said they started out as a fairytale romance, things changed after five months of dating. That is when the controlling behavior started. Ilene is tired of Matt accusing her of cheating with everyone imaginable. He also refers to her by derogatory names to their infant child.
According to Matt, he is almost certain that Ilene has cheated on him with two people in particular. He thinks that her reactions to his accusations are proof that he is right. Based on the timing of her second pregnancy, Matt is convinced that he is not the father of her child. Can these two make a permanent decision about their on again-off again relationship?
Dr Phil: How Parents Create Trust Issues
After chatting with Matt, Dr Phil pointed out that the root of Matt’s trust issues goes back to his relationship with his father. Though Matt looked up to him, his father routinely made promises he did not follow through on. Dr Phil suggested that this could be causing him to have a lack of trust in other people, starting with parents and extending to personal relationships.
Dr Phil rattled off a long list of the ways Matt has acted out due to his jealousy. As he did, Matt smirked awkwardly on the stage. “All of this is a test,” Dr Phil said, suggesting that Matt is pushing Ilene to see whether he could push her away. Is this really all about his fear of being abandoned? I couldn’t decide how to read Matt’s agreeableness, but he seemed to accept this diagnosis as well.
Dr Phil: Robin McGraw on Mental Abuse
“I’m so used to people leaving, even when I treat them good. It kind of feels good that she’d stay with me no matter what,” Matt said. Dr Phil told Ilene that Matt is constantly trying different things to see what might push her away. But each test only calms the nerves for so long, and then Matt needs reassurance again, almost like the high from a drug.
Dr Phil also turned to his wife Robin, who was in the audience. Robin McGraw is a domestic violence awareness advocate, who is behind programs like When Georgia Smiled and The Aspire Initiative. She explained that domestic violence is not only physical. “What we’re seeing today is verbal and mental abuse,” Robin said. “You are in an abusive relationship.”
Dr Phil: Demanding Dignity & Respect
“What we’re here to do today is to educate you and to tell you that you are being abused. You do not have to be talked to this way and treated this way,” Robin said. “You can demand that he treat you with dignity and respect. You can demand that he treat you in an honorable way. And you can demand of yourself that you will not accept that of him.”
In addition to extending an offer of help to Matt, Dr Phil also helped to hook Ilene up with a $5,000 credit for her Chime account. Chime is one of Dr Phil’s son Jay’s business investments. That should help her make a dent in some of the expenses for her baby. “The cool thing about it is everywhere you go, there are discounts,” Dr Phil explained.
Dr Phil: Domestic Violence Resources
Are you or someone you know someone in an abusive or controlling relationship? You can help by knowing what resources are available and sharing them at an appropriate opportunity. Here are some ideas to help you get started.
- When Georgia Smiled & The ASPIRE Initiative
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800-799-SAFE
- National Dating Abuse Helpline – 866-331-9474
Leave a Reply