Dr Phil: Rebuilding Self-Esteem & Co-Parenting with a Violent Man?

Dr Phil: Young and Beautiful, But Their Love Is Ugly

Dr Phil met with a couple struggling to keep their young family together. 25-year-old Crystal and 26-year-old James have one child, and she is pregnant with baby #2. But their relationship is full of ups and downs. They both have plenty of accusations against one another, including Crystal’s claim that James is abusive. He says she is just trying to ruin his reputation.

According to Crystal, he first attacked her when she was 15 weeks pregnant. There was another incident four months later. Now, Crystal is three months pregnant with the couple’s second child. She said that he attacked her again recently, this time right in front of their young child. But James says she is lying about the abuse, even though he has been charged with domestic violence and Crystal said there is an outstanding warrant for his arrest.

Dr Phil: In Love with a Violent Man?

James said that he broke up with Crystal three times. He doesn’t understand why she would keep coming back to him if she says he is so violent. But he wants the drama to stop so the two of them can co-parent in peace. How would you handle this situation?

Dr Phil wanted to know whether Crystal still loves James. Crystal said that she loves him “as a person,” but she is not in love with him anymore. James laughed through Crystal’s answer. James dodged a “yes or no” question about his behavior so that he could ramble and deflect blame. James has also called her countless unprintable names, and Crystal even says he threatened to kill her.

Dr Phil: Father Refuses To Support Infant Child?

James denies that he has refused to provide child support to his child with Crystal. However, he is supporting another of his children by another woman. Crystal told Dr Phil’s team that if James lends her even $20, he demands that she pay it back. James denied this as well, insisting that he has provided for more than half of the child’s needs. When Crystal interjected that he purchased one can of formula in seven months, he went on a rant and said she had no class.

According to James, he has a care package waiting to send to Crystal’s mother’s home. He said he has the money and is happy to support his child, so hopefully a tape or transcript of this Dr Phil episode ends up in the hands of Crystal’s lawyer. What advice would you want to give to these young parents?

Dr Phil: Not Everybody You Lose Is a Loss

Dr Phil pointed out that Crystal and James are young and still have a chance to get their lives on track. “Not everybody you lose is a loss,” he said of their troubled times together. “I think that it’s important for you to understand that you don’t need to always be in a relationship,” he said to Crystal. Do you know a person who seems to always need to be paired up with a partner? It’s a common myth.

When Dr Phil pointed out that the couple has a combined total of five children together, James announced that he would insist on a paternity test for the child currently in Crystal’s womb. The audience booed and Crystal was outraged. “When you’re in a hole, stop digging,” Dr Phil said.

Dr Phil: Rebuilding Self-Esteem & Co-Parenting

“Stop having children,” Dr Phil said, to the thunderous applause of the audience. “Take care of the children you have.” He suggested that Crystal work on rebuilding her self-esteem, and offered to provide some resources for her to accomplish that goal, which was happy to accept.

Dr Phil also predicted that James would flake and vanish from the scene in short order. But if that didn’t happen, and co-parenting was a part of the picture, he thought she would be in a better position to make that work after tending to her own emotional needs first. He said it would not be in her best interest to reconnect with James.

Dr Phil: You Do Not Belong Together

It sounds like there is still a long road ahead for this young couple, whether they are together or apart. From the criminal charges against James to questions of paternity and custody, it seems improbable that Dr Phil’s stage would be the last time these two cross paths.

However, Dr Phil was emphatic that they should avoid getting back together romantically. He wished them happiness in their individual lives, because “you do not belong together.” Do you know a couple who flourished after they split up? Share your thoughts and stories by leaving a comment.

You can read much more about blended families and co-parenting in Dr Phil’s book Family First: Your Step-By-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family.